"Uh, Oooooo!"

Ya know, I knew this day would come. I saw it coming a mile away. And yet I was still shocked as hell when I stumbled upon shit tickets strung out into the hallway.

Time to ban P'Dub from the bathroom.

"Well, We Both Know He's Not the Tallest 1.5 Year-Old!"

...said Preston's pediatrician, Dr. Fox.

Weighing in at an even 24 lbs. and a vertically challenged height of 30.5", Preston has broken into the solid 5th percentile.

Woo Hoo! Go little man!

You Know It's Time to Hire a New Babysitter When...

1: You call the sitter 30 minutes after leaving to check on your son, and the sitter doesn't recognize who you are.

Me: Hi, I was calling to see how Preston is doing?
Sitter: {silence}
Me: This is Kate, how is Preston?
Sitter: Oh, hi!

2: The sitter lets the 17-month-old call the shots.
(Conversation continued from above.)

Me: So, how are things going? Has Preston calmed down?
Sitter: Well, he's back in his crib right now. That's where he wants to be.
Me: He's in his crib???? It's 5:30?
Sitter: After he ate he went into his bedroom and wanted in. If I take him out he cries.
Me: Well take him out and play with him. He can't stay in there.
Sitter: Okay.

3: The sitter shows signs of amnesia.
(Follow-up conversation 15 minutes later.)

Me: Hi, this is Kate. (Throwing her a bone here.) Is Preston okay?
Sitter: Oh yeah! He's fine. We're just playing on the floor.
Me: Okay? (Thinking she might elaborate.)
Sitter: {silence}
Me: Alright. Well I just wanted to check back in. I'll see you soon.
Sitter: {silence}
Me: Bye.

4: Upon returning home, sitter once again, confuses the hell out of me.

Me: Hey! I'm back...you aren't watching tv or reading,
what have you been doing to pass the time?
Sitter: Texting with friends.

Me: Oh, cool.
Sitter: Hey I wanted to apologize for earlier when you texted me
to see how Preston was doing.
Sitter: I couldn't text you back because my phone went dead. But he's okay.
Me: Um, actually I did get your text. {And didn't you just say you'd been texting?}
Sitter: Oh. You did?
Me: And for future reference. If Preston wants to stay in his crib, don't let him.
Me: He also likes to play in the toilet, but we don't let him do that, either.
Sitter: {awkward giggle} I ate one of your tangerines.

WTF?....WTF?

Two Reasons to NOT let Your Child Play with Your Car Keys While Grocery Shopping

1: You may walk out of the grocery store, only to find your trunk lid up, panic feature blaring, and people staring at your vehicle. (Not that this happened to me or anything...this morning, at Safeway, around 9:20am.)

2: Car keys are dirty, gross, yucky. (This is just common sense.)

Suction, We Have A Problem

Hey Mimi (P'Dubs grandmother)...remember that fancy-schmancy bowl you bought for Preston at Easter...the one with the suction cup bottom? You know, the toddler-proof bowl with the suction cup, on the bottom? Ringing a bell?

Well, I just wanted to tell you...the bowl works REALLY well.

Holy Teeth...

and holy applesauce in my hair!