The Ol' Poke-n-Pull....Ewwww

Picture this...it's 3:30 in the morning. Preston has been up for nearly ten hours, of which the last four have been a game of Who Can Stay Awake the Longest? and my son was not about to lose. The problem is he's over-tired and doesn't have the mental capacity to stop crying, shut his eyes, and fall asleep. As the clock ticks away, so does my patience. I'm on the verge of heating up the car and taking him for a drive, when he FINALLY cuts me a break.

I'm sitting on the couch and Preston is lying vertically on my torso. His tiny head is tucked gently under my chin and his feet are curled up under his belly. YES! It won't be long now until we both can get some sleep.

As I wait patiently for the right time to pick him up and put him in his bouncy chair I can't help but notice what is quickly becoming an overwhelming unpleasant scent. Damnnit – I think Preston has dropped a brown bomb. Now I'm going to have to change his diaper which will undoubtedly wake him and who knows how long it will take to get him to doze off again.

I didn't want to risk being wrong though. I didn't want to risk what could potentially become 2-3 hours of slumber by stripping him down to check his diaper only to find nothing, and that he was just passing some horrific gas.

My only option was to try out the ol' poke-n-pull, and I had to do it slowly and gently. So, I take my right index finger and find my way between two snaps in Preston's sleeper. From there I navigate under the onesie until I hit the ruffled edge of his diaper. Okay, here goes, I'm going in.

I fearlessly poke my finger between Preston's bottom and diaper into the great unknown. This seemed, at the time, a great idea. I didn't even think about what I'd do if my finger happened to land smack in the middle of a mud pie. Pulling my dirty finger out would just smear the poo onto Preston's legs and clothes, which would then cause an entire wardrobe change and an extensive wipe cleansing.

As it turns out, Preston had just thrown a couple air biscuits my way. And although creative, I can hardly believe I checked his diaper by sticking my finger in it. Perhaps this was a test of my problem-solving skills and motherhood. If so, I passed.


Has Anyone Lost Their Cheeks?

Or their chin perhaps? I think Preston found them.

Lookin' Wubbanub™

So Preston has a plug problem. Sometimes his plug falls out of his mouth, just as he's falling asleep. This ultimately wakes him and he goes into Infant Panic Mode. IPM consists of loud grunting with the mouth wide open, heavy breathing, arms and legs flailing about, and quick thrusts of the head to the left and right – all before letting out a shrill sound that resembles the squeal of a puppy.

It's a vicious cycle. Plug in. Plug out. IPM. Plug in. Plug out. IPM.

Enter the Wubbanub – an ingenious invention that may just turn out to be the solution to my problem! This little sucker will be put to the test tonight, so wish us luck!


Sleep Like A Baby- I call BS

I'm not sure where the phrase "sleep like a baby" derived from, but it clearly wasn't from a parent – at least not a parent of a newborn. In fact, I'd like to smack the idiot who did coin this phrase right in the tongue.

Now here's a phrase that makes total sense...CRY LIKE A BABY. Yep, total sense.


Top 10 in Two Weeks

Today is Preston's 2-week birthday! This may mean nothing to the little guy who is currently snoozing away in his bassinet, but for his first-time parents this is quite a milestone. The past fourteen days in this 'baby boot camp' has definitely been a test of our patience, problem-solving skills, stamina and maturity.

In essence of this big day, I've compiled a short list that highlights the ups and downs and discoveries of our first weeks into parenthood. In no particular order - here goes:

10. Poop is exciting! It makes me happy and relieved just knowing Preston's system is in check. I even have a poop and pee log, to keep track of all his 'functions'. Pee doesn't provide the same rush, as he averages around 9 pees a day. However, on two occasions he's surprised us by peeing during a diaper change- one squirt hit the wall, the other squirt went right and landed in the pack-n-play. Gross, but oh soo funny.

9. Sleeping when the baby sleeps is great in theory, but not realistic. If I slept when the baby slept, when would I eat, shower, clean and make bottles, talk to my husband, update this blog, do laundry, and make any type of contact with the outside world. And most importantly, if I'm sleeping while Preston is sleeping, then who is watching Preston? What happens if he stops breathing or he works his blanket up over his face. I kind of need to be awake to make sure he's alive, ya know.

8. The time frame in which baby can go from happy and content to frustrated and frantic is a matter of seconds. This also holds true for Mommy, who can work up a shower of tears in no time flat, for no solid reason. Yes, our baby is cute, but do I need to cry about it? Yes, hiccups really do jar the baby around, but he's okay and I don't need to cry about it? Or, do I. Yes, I think I do.

7. Jeremy and I have become HGTV and A&E junkies. I challenge anyone to quiz us on any episode of Intervention, Flip This House, House Hunters, House Hunters International, My House is Worth What?, Get it Sold, and Property Virgins. Double dog dare ya.

6. Putting on a diaper is hard, and not because Preston wiggles so much. Note to self: tabs go in the back. I've tried putting these things on backwards twice now.

5. Separation anxiety by definition is anxious behavior or apprehension exhibited by children (and pets) associated with separation/absence from a parent or other caregiver. But what's it called when the parent exhibits this behavior? I get it after sleeping for a couple hours or when someone else is holding Preston for a long period of time. I know, I'm a mess.

4. I can't drink alcohol. I've been missing the sweet taste of wine and bitter swigs of barley and hops for nearly 40 weeks. Now that I can drink, I won't drink. When Jeremy and I watched the Super Bowl I drank an O'Doul's. I feel like an 8th grader afraid of what will happen if I have a beer. Will I lose all control? Will I get a headache? Will I have a hangover? How will I be able to take care of the baby if I'm under the influence? I'm a total vagina these days.

3. Nicknames. By the time Preston is 4 months old, he should be able to recognize his name. This is, of course, if we can stick to calling him Preston. Right now we call him a number of names, in addition to his given one – Pres, Little Guy, Punkin', Sweetheart, and our favorite P'Dub (short for Preston William, obviously).

2. Advice published in baby books is a some sort of conspiracy against all new moms. The current book I have, although very helpful, led me to believe Preston should be eating less than we've been giving him. The book states a baby of his size should be drinking around 14-21 ounces of formula a day. Preston drinks around a quart of formula a day, which is 32 fluid ounces. This find resulted in yet another call to the ped's office. I've got that dude on speed dial. To my surprise (enter sarcasm here) not all babies are the same, and Preston just happens to be a big eater.

1. Preston is NOT afraid of the dark. He may prefer to have the lights on, but he's not afraid of the dark. It's true! I swear! I asked my pediatrician. This question was quickly followed by a request to not tell anyone I asked the stupid question. The ped said not to worry, patient/doctor confidentiality doesn't permit it. (Peds must love newbie parents.)



The Cesarean Section

After finding out Preston was breech and that delivery by cesarean was the fate handed to me, I did A LOT of research about the procedure – I drilled friends who have had cesareans, I made pages of notes to ask my OB, and of course, scoured the internet. Before walking into L&D last Wednesday morning, I thought I knew exactly what to expect.

I expected to be hooked up to machines, interact with a number of nurses, anesthesiologists, doctors, and med students. I expected to be stripped of any dignity I had as I lie numb, naked and basted with iodine while being prepped for the biggest moment of my life. I expected that Jeremy would join me just before the first cut was made and that I would become nauseated from the pain medicine in my spinal. I expected to briefly see my baby before he/she was whisked off to the NICU or nursery for testing and observation, only to be reunited hours later in the postpartum room.

This isn't exactly the labor and delivery I had hoped for. And for months I'd fretted over missing out on the "childbirth experience"- the labor(I know, I'm crazy), the cutting of the cord, and the immediate family bonding once baby would be laid upon my chest. Fortunately for myself and Jeremy, the entire experience was not what we expected and it fulfilled our hearts with a love and joy that is unexplainable. (Okay yes, I'm not going soft.)

The staff at The Ohio State University Medical Center took excellent care of us. Before the procedure each staff member involved with the cesarean stopped by pre-op to introduce themselves and to answer any questions we had. Once inside the operating room, the head nurse and anesthesiologist were amazing. They made sure to give me a play by play of what they were doing, why they were doing it, and what it should feel like. They also were great at small talk...which I'm usually not a fan of, but when you can see the nurses counting the instruments you are about to be cut open with, small talk is very much welcomed.

Before I knew it, the spinal was placed, I couldn't lift my legs, the blue curtain raised, and Jeremy by my side. There was minimal tugging and pressure before a nurse exclaimed "It's a boy! We're pulling him out bottom-first! He's definitely a boy!" Preston wasn't crying much at first, which nearly spun me into panic mode, but it was a matter of seconds before he started wailing! What relief! The boy has pipes!

Jeremy was then allowed to get video of my OB holding Preston before whisking him off to be examined at a table within the OR. Jeremy was also permitted to cut the cord take pictures! This is not what we expected!

I tried turning my head to see Preston on the examination table, but all I could make out what his tiny leg. Within minutes Preston was given an 8/9 on his Apgar test and Jeremy was able to hold him next to my face. Due to my position on the OR table, I still couldn't get a good look at my newly born son. The nurse noticed my desperation and let me hold the baby on my chest (with her help, of course)! This was my big moment. I couldn't have been more in awe. I just froze and looked into his little blinking eyes and instantaneously fell in love like I never knew possible.

I couldn't even tell you if I held Preston for 15 seconds or 5 minutes before they took him to the nursery for observation, but to me it felt like a lifetime. I couldn't have been more elated.

Once in my postpartum room I was tired yet running full speed on adrenaline. Unable to get out of bed to care for the baby, Jeremy quickly transformed into DAD OF THE YEAR. He was changing diapers and swaddling our baby like a pro. I couldn't be more proud of my two men. I love them both so much.