I'm 37 Weeks and 3 Days Pregnant...

in the pictures below, and you could still bounce a dime off my ass.

I'm not even kidding...Jeremy tried it. Well, actually he was playing 'quarters' and getting drunk, once again, by himself, but still - those coins bounced! Am I lying? I'll never tell.

Hurry up and Live Before the Baby Comes!

Last night Jeremy and I had an attempt-a-date. It wasn't really planned, so I'm not surprised that it didn't pan out as hoped. We left the house late, arriving at Genji's Japanese Steak House only to find a two hour wait. I was starving, so this was not an option.

After chowing down at the Asian Star buffet, where I indulged in 3 pieces of tasty pepperoni pizza and Jeremy tried something called seafood mayonnaise, we headed out to a couple stores looking for an ottoman to match my rocker. We were actually buying time, trying to hold out for the 9:45pm movie we were going to catch.

Who was I kidding...my back was killing me, I was getting tired, and wanted nothing more than to veg out on the couch. So, we made one more pit stop at Best Buy and purchased Jackass 2.5. (Not as good as the first two, but definitely worth adding to our collection.)

We're planning another date night this coming weekend, being as it will be our last weekend as a 2-person family for the rest of our lives. I told Jeremy that if there was anything he wanted to do before having children, he's got 9 days to do it - and good luck finding a chic to have sex with us, because I'm not exactly a prize these days. (Hee hee...me so funny.)

Statistically, I Am a Pregnancy Phenomenon

What are my odds?
• 15% of women become pregnant their first try (Lucky me!)
• 2 to 7% of expectant women develop gestational diabetes (Not-so-lucky me.)
• 3% of pregnant woman have breech babies (I can't even win a raffle?)

And to add to my list of statistical data...a scheduled c-section. This is a fairly common procedure, however, ranking in at only 30% of all births.

As odd as this sounds, Jeremy and I already know the Bump's birthday.
The big day is Wednesday, January 23rd at 8:00am!

I can only hope the medical staff is clothed, unlike the illustration below.

Near-Death of the Ironing Board

In researching 'breech births' I found many home alternatives to the doctor-performed Version. Acupuncture, visualization and various gravity-defying positions top the charts as common techniques used by mothers to aid in the turning of their child.

Jeremy and I decided to try the IRONING BOARD technique. This involves lying on
an ironing board, upside down, at a 40-45 degree angle for at least 15 minutes daily. The theory behind this makes total sense, however the logistics do not.

Why, you ask?

1. An ironing board is not meant to withstand the weight of a nearly 200-pound pregnant woman.

2. A nearly 200-pound pregnant woman is not meant to lie upside down at a 45 degree angle. Not only is it a feat in itself to get in the damn position (picture Jeremy pulling my body up the board by pulling on my ankles) the weight of the baby on my chest and lungs nearly made me pass out.

I made it 10 minutes.

(And yes, I used "nearly" twice when describing my weight, as I haven't hit the 200 mark yet...it's just creative writing – you know, trying to set the scene.)