Pending Recall: PRESTON, Model #012308

If my son were a bona fide consumer product, I'm sure there would be some sort of recall on him. Since turning 7 months old, he's a totally different boy.

• Diapering Preston is a five minute wrestling match. He twists and turns, screams, rolls over, wiggles, wails his arms around, pulls my hair, scratches my face, and holds his legs tightly together making it nearly impossible to put the dang thing on!

• Naps were once as easy as lying Preston in his crib, turning on his lullaby cd, and walking out of the room. Now he screams.

• Giving Preston a bottle is truly eventful. I use Playtex Drop-Ins™, and during the 30 seconds it takes me to force the air out of the bag, Preston cries as though he hasn't eaten in days. Tears will run down his face and he sometimes loses his breath. I try getting the bottle ready without him knowing, but am not always successful.

• I dread bedtime as Preston acts as though he's being tortured. He will scream (not cry) in terror, continuously kicks his legs into the mattress, and bangs his feet off the crib rails until I cave and pick him up. His tantrums have went on for as long as an hour. But once in my arms he falls asleep within ten minutes. This is NOT a habit I'm trying to get into, but we're sharing a house...and I'd prefer to not have children's services knocking on my door.

• I'm thinking of purchasing earplugs for the two times a day I feed Preston solid foods. He usually whines or lets out short, crisp sounds of irritability between each bite. Apparently I'm not shoveling the food in quickly enough? And if P'Dub gets truly frustrated, he will clench his fists and shake.

So what's with this sudden malfunction? Perhaps an alien invaded his body causing him to be extremely irritable, whiny, short-fused and stubborn. Or maybe he's turning into me!