Holiday Travel Tips from Ma Kat

After receiving nearly 16 inches of snow (which I hear is practically unheard of in the Seattle area), Jeremy, Preston and I finally flew out of SeaTac – a mere 27 hours later than originally scheduled.

Nearly five hours pass before we land in Hotlanta, with a less-than-5-minute layover. No shit folks, we had to RUN to our connection. No time to visit the family bathroom, get a drink, or say bah humbug to the asshole in front of me who stopped abruptly in pedestrian traffic.

As our plane taxied into CHM I couldn't have been more relieved, or starved for that matter. While woofing down a 10-pack of nuggets, and as my Mom misses our exit, I think about little P'Dub sleeping in his scum-ridden Delta carseat rental (did I fail to mention our luggage was lost) and how happy and accommodating he was the entire trip.

Preston is by far, the best travel baby I've ever had. (Yes, he's the only baby I've ever had. Details. Why are you readers so picky?) After all, by the end of this holiday trip, P'Dub will have flown 14 times...and he's not even a year old.

You see, flying with an infant is tricky. You must avoid the crying. There is only so much crying the flight attendants and the other passengers are willing to take before an emergency landing is imminent. You must be prepared.

Tip #1: Load your kid up on milk/formula/cheerios. Whatever the kid wants to eat, give it to him. If he pukes, he isn't crying, right?

Tip #2: Bring a variety of illuminating and musical toys. Be sure to bring the really obnoxious ones. Especially during a night flight. Your fellow seat-mate will thank you. Hey, it's either Elmo singing or my baby crying. You decide.

Tip #3: If your baby wants to stand up, sit down, and twist consecutively – lets say for 45 minutes straight - you've got to let him. We called it the baby death roll. It's similar to what the crocs do, but I don't think Preston was trying to kill us.

Tip #4: Let your baby kick the seat back, peek at the people sitting behind you, and pound the window.

Tip #5: If your baby discovers your husband has hair on his belly and wants to rub it, pull it, play peek-a-boo with it...let him. The only people who will think it's weird is EVERYONE else on the plane. Screw them. The baby isn't crying, right?

Tip #6: Allow your baby to rip up the SkyMall magazine. Heck yes it's dirty. Just as dirty as the window he's been pounding on. But he's not crying, is he?

Tip #7: Let your baby play the touch screen in-air trivia game located on the back of the head rest in front of you. No, your baby won't be as smart as the guy sitting in 32A who has affectionately named himself 'POOP', but he'll be a contender.

Tip #8: If you can avoid flying during the holidays, do so. I suggest having Christmas in early December or January. Skip the chaos. Save yourself.


Rachel from BC said...

OMG girl! You really should be a professional blogger. You crack me up!! Thank you for the laughs :)

Kriss said...

I really love your humor! You should write for a baby magazine! -kriss

excruciatingly said...

tip #8. Baby will save his smelliest most plentiful poopy diaper for take off. Do ask guy next to you to take offending poo package to the lav. Kidding. Don't do that.